The Dark Side of Disney Read online

  The airline of choice for getting to WDW is Southwest Airlines. At the time of this writing, Southwest is merging with AirTran. What this means to WDW vacationers is probably that you’re going to get cheaper flights from a wider variety of locations. Every year I compare the costs of Southwest’s flights vs. AirTran (and Delta, American, and all the others) and Southwest always comes out ahead. Don’t forget to factor in baggage fees when you’re doing such a comparison.

  Southwest is great because they don’t charge said baggage fees, their fares are published far in advance, and their schedules stay consistent (as opposed to AirTran, who changes their flight schedules so often that it seems like there must be a crazy monkey throwing darts at a scheduling dartboard every month). And they’ve recently become a part of the Disney Magical Express program, which means that a) you don’t need to rent a car because Disney will bus you to your resort from MCO (i.e., they’ll take you hostage for the length of your stay) and b) your luggage will be delivered to your room when you arrive and will be taken to the airport for you when you depart. I’ve only had good experiences with Southwest and with the DME program.

  Disney’s Magical Express luggage tag

  For better or for worse, this is one of those occasions where it pays to plan ahead. Southwest publishes their fares by grades, and the cheapest of these grades are the “Wanna Get Away” fares. Unfortunately, these go quickly and once they’re sold out you’re left with the non-cheap “Anytime” and “Business Select” options. Southwest generally publishes their flights 180 days in advance, so it would behoove you to check them on the day that your fares are published and lock in the lowest rate.

  “But what if the rates go lower?” you ask. Well, inquisitive reader, another great thing about Southwest is that they’ll allow you to cancel your reservations at any time and get a credit. Which means that if you find a cheaper fare between when you booked your flight and the day of your vacation, you simply call them up, cancel the old flight, and purchase the new one. You don’t get any cash back, but you will have credit in your account which you can use the next time you go to WDW (which, if you’re reading this book will probably be pretty soon).

  Another perk about booking Southwest is that they often offer discount codes, especially for flights to Florida. So even if you’ve already booked your flights, if you get a code in your email you can cancel your current reservation and rebook with the code. This author recently saved $25 each way with such a code! That was a big discount, and one which simply cannot be beat by any other airline out there. If you weren’t offered a code via email, you can often get one by begging in threads on the “Budget Board” on disboards.com, or by buying one on eBay for pennies on the dollar.

  Driving Drunk on The Disney Magical Express:

  The Disney Magical Express bus, aka The Disney Drunk Taxi

  Personally, I think the best part about flying Southwest is the drink tickets. Yes, that’s right, DRINK TICKETS! You hand the stewardess this little piece of paper, and in return they give you an alcoholic beverage. Cash be damned! “Wait a minute,” you say, “I don’t have these drink tickets. I’ve never been offered these drink tickets. How do I acquire these mythical drink tickets?!” It’s true, us mere mortals cannot get drink tickets on our own. They’re only given out to people who fly a lot. In other words, people who have a lot of money or work for a company that has a lot of money and can fly them around everywhere, allowing them to rack up frequent flyer miles and boatloads of free drinks.

  But despair not, faithful reader, there is a way for us plebeians to get the free drinkage: eBay! Go to ebay.com, type in Southwest drink tickets, and behold the splendor of the free market. You see, some people are teetotalers, which means they don’t drink, which blows my mind. But it works out great for us lushes, because these snooty non-drinkers (like the girl sitting next to you on the plane who orders a Bloody Mary mix WITH NO VODKA) sell their SW drink tickets on eBay for dirt cheap! You can essentially buy $100 worth of drinks for $20, meaning you’re getting an ice-cold Heineken or gin and tonic for a buck. I can think of no better way to start a vacation than getting loaded on discounted airline booze, knowing that you don’t have to drive anywhere because Disney is going to pick you up from the airport in their nice air-conditioned bus.

  Southwest’s drink coupons, being used on the plane!

  Update: Southwest has changed their drink ticket policy so that Business Select tickets can only be used for a particular flight, and Rapid Rewards tickets are only valid for a year.

  And drink tickets aren’t the only way to get loaded on your flight into Florida. Most people dread layovers, because they’re sitting in a crowded airport twiddling their thumbs, just waiting for time to pass so they can get on with their vacation. But not me. Nope, I actually schedule LONGER layovers on purpose!

  “WTF?!” you exclaim. “Why would any fool want a longer layover?!”

  Well, the explanation is simple: I have passes to the ultra-exclusive airline VIP lounges, where the food is free and the drinks are plentiful… and free.

  Again, eBay to the rescue! You can search for day passes to any of the major airlines’ VIP lounges on eBay and bid on them for dirt cheap. I’ve been able to get them for as little as $12 for a day pass, meaning you could theoretically hit three lounges in one day (one at your departure point, one at the layover, and one in MCO). Just go to the individual airlines’ websites and verify that they do have a lounge at your layover location. You don’t have to be flying on that airline to take advantage of this, and at most airports the longest walk will be less than 20 minutes from your gate to the lounge furthest away.

  Personally, I LOVE the Delta Sky Club, especially the one at O’Hare. Self-serve bar with top-shelf liquors, Heineken on draft, hummus, pretzels, cookies, cheese, and little packs of Nutella are just some of the highlights. I highly recommend bringing a backpack and loading up on snacks; the lounge is so huge and understaffed that there’s no way they’ll know you’re taking food out. I’d also highly recommend getting completely blasted while there. Remember, you don’t have to drive, Disney is doing all the driving for you!

  STAYING THERE

  Off-Site Horror Story:

  The first rule about staying off site is: You do not stay off site. The second rule about staying off site is: YOU DO NOT STAY OFF SITE! Seriously. You might think you’re being all smart saving a few bucks by staying at one of the myriad of hotels outside of WDW property, but trust me, you’re doing it at the expense of a nice, relaxing vacation.

  I have a friend, Michelle, who told me an admittedly outrageous version of what seems to be a fairly common tale of off-site hotels. Turns out Michelle and her family had stayed at a hotel marketing itself as being “just outside the main gate”, which really meant, “a long ass way from any of the parks.”

  “We took a town car from the airport and got to the hotel at about 11AM,” she starts. “We thought we’d see Cinderella’s Castle from our window they way they described it, but the driver said the parks were at least five miles away. That’s apparently still considered ‘main gate’?

  “The lobby was packed with cranky families and it took us almost an hour to check into our room. The people at the front desk were just plain mean. When we got to our room it stunk like cigarettes and mildew, and there was a bloody sock on the floor! Yes, a bloody sock! So we went to the front desk to get switched to another room, which took another 45 minutes. Fine, I guess maybe that sort of thing happens even at the best hotels. But then we got unpacked and went down to the lobby to catch the bus to the parks, and it turns out there is no bus! Well, there is, but it’s not coming anytime soon. Apparently they only do drop-offs from 8AM-11AM, and then pick-ups from 7PM-11PM, and it only goes to The Magic Kingdom, so we’d have to take another bus to get over to any of the other parks!

  “Obviously this was not what was advertised on their website. We were not happy about it, and tried to take it up with this squirrelly little manager,
but he was completely unsympathetic, and pretty much yelled at us for not reading the fine print when we booked our reservations. I was crying, my daughter was crying, and Chris, my husband, was pissed; I thought he was going to punch somebody!

  “I was so fed up that I called Disney Reservations, told the Cast Member, Missy, what had happened, and even though they were technically sold out for the week, Missy got us a room at All Stars. Surprisingly, it didn’t really even cost much more than this dirtbag hotel we were staying at. Missy was so nice and understanding, I just couldn’t believe it, and I was so happy and so grateful that we were both crying by the time I got off the phone!

  “Chris had been watching me the whole time and thought Disney was being mean to me, too, but I told him how Missy had hooked us up. We had a group hug and Chris told the hotel manager where he could shove it. Then the manager started yelling about how we’d still get billed for the whole week, and how he’d say we destroyed our room and we’d get charged thousands of dollars! Chris was so happy about getting the hell out of there that he just laughed and gave the manager the finger, but then the manager actually charged at Chris right in front of all of these people in the lobby! Luckily a few of the other staff members held him back, but wow! Can you believe the guy actually tried to attack my husband? You wouldn’t see that happen at Disney!

  “In the end it all turned out great. We had a wonderful vacation, ended up LOVING All Stars, and came away with a hilarious story to tell. On top of that, our credit card company (American Express – woo!) took care of us and reversed the charges at the shitty hotel.

  “Lesson learned, though. Sure, the off-site place was cheap,” admits Michelle, “but from now it’s only Disney Resorts for us. They went out of their way to take care of our terrible situation, the staff was all really friendly, the rooms were clean, the food court was wonderful, and the busses ran every 15 minutes. It was well worth the few extra dollars we spent. And I sent Disney a letter saying how great Missy was to us. I hope she gets a promotion!

  “When we got back home we checked the reviews for the shithole place on TripAdvisor.com, which admittedly, we should have done beforehand. Turns out there were a bunch of stories just like ours, most with not so happy endings. We also noticed that a lot of the reviews for other cheapo ‘main gate’ hotels were just as awful. So make sure you tell everyone to stay on Disney property!”

  Listen to Michelle!

  A Deluxe for Less Than a Value?:

  Disney offers many, many discounts throughout the year on rooms, most combined into packages with park tickets, gift cards to be used in the parks, and Free Dining (which will be discussed in the cheap food section). And these are good deals, definitely nothing to scoff at.

  But you can find details on those packages anywhere, so there’s no point in wasting space going over them here. What I’d like to do is to fill you in on the secret of how you can get rooms at the Deluxe Resorts for the same price as the Value Resorts: it’s called “Renting Points”. This isn’t something Disney wants you to know about, and to be honest it’s not entirely kosher. But people do it all the time, and Disney lets it slide, no questions asked.

  Renting points is specific to the Disney Vacation Club Resorts, which is Disney’s fancy name for a timeshare. “Owners” buy a certain number of “points” that they get each year for the life of the contract (for example, The Boardwalk Villas contracts expire in 2042). They pay a certain amount in yearly maintenance fees, depending on the number of points they own. It’s not exactly an inexpensive commitment; normal contracts run in the 10s of thousands, and yearly maintenance fees can be thousands of dollars.

  Each owner buys into a home resort on Disney property, many of which are a sub-section of a Deluxe resort (such as Bay Lake Towers at The Contemporary or Kidani Village at Animal Kingdom Lodge). These resorts all offer deluxe amenities, from “suites” that have kitchenettes, to 1-2-bedrooms that have full kitchens, Jacuzzis, and laundry machines. These are definitely a step above the Value or Moderate resorts, and similar accommodations at the Deluxe resorts start at $300/night (if you’re lucky!).

  When I went on vacation with my family as a kid, we always stayed at the Value and Moderate resorts, because that’s all we could afford. DVC didn’t even exist yet. I’m certainly not going to deny that my family had some amazing vacations and absolutely loved those resorts, and I’m not trying to tell you that you won’t have a magical vacation at the Values or Moderates. I still have a major soft spot in my heart for The Caribbean Beach. But I have to say, once you go Deluxe, you’ll never want to go back. And why not, when you can get them for the same price, if not cheaper, than a Value? Staying at The Boardwalk or The Beach Club and being able to walk to Epcot during The Food and Wine Festival just can’t be beat, and have you SEEN Stormalong Bay, the “pool” at The Yacht and Beach Club? Calling it a pool is like calling The Grand Canyon a ditch! Or how about waking up in a room at Kidani Village, opening your blinds, and seeing a giraffe staring back at you? While the cheaper resorts are great, they simply don’t offer those sorts of otherworldly experiences, the kind that make memories you brag to your friends about for years.

  Now for the boring details. Stay with me here – this is tedious but it’s important to understand DVC in order to fully take advantage of it. The owners of these timeshares, depending on the time of year and the type of room they want, use a certain number of points to reserve their room; more points are required for bigger rooms during busier times of the year. The owners buy a specific number of points to use each year at a particular resort, and they can also use those points for other resorts (although you can book 11 months out at your home resort, as opposed to 7 months at other resorts). So what happens is that people find that they have points left over at the end of the year, and although Disney allows you to bank points into the next year, if you still don’t use them, you lose them.

  When people have extra points that they know they won’t be able to use, instead of just letting them expire they can “rent” the points. In short, they’re booking a reservation for someone else. This can work one of two ways: 1) you either contact a DVC owner and have them check on resort availability, hoping that the resort you want is open on the dates you want it, or 2) the owner already has a reservation they can’t use, and it just happens to be during the dates you want at the resort of your choice.

  The first way of doing it works best if you can plan 11 months in advance, which is the earliest owners can book at their home resorts. After that the more in demand resorts get booked up quickly, and you’re usually left with the biggest DVC resorts, Old Key West or Saratoga Springs (both of which are very nice, by the way). The best way to book with this method is to go to the DVC Rent/Trade subforum at disboards.com and start contacting people who say they have points for rent. They’ll check availability for you, and then book the reservation in your name if something is open.

  However, if it’s less than 11 months out and you have a particular resort you want to book, you’re probably better off finding someone who has a reservation they can’t use. The best way to do this is to post a “Reservation Wanted” thread at MouseOwners.com. Unfortunately Disboards no longer allows people to post “Reservation Wanted” threads more than one month in advance of the reservation date, which makes advance planning impossible. While MouseOwners doesn’t get the level of traffic that Disboards does, it’s still your best bet, and I’ve only had good luck with owners there.

  In either scenario, once you find someone who will rent a reservation, you’ll need to pay them for it. Right now the going rate is $9-$10/point, which means that for a prime week in a studio at The Boardwalk Villas in October (during the Food and Wine Festival) you’ll be paying between $609-$670 for the week, which makes it at most $112/night total!!! Take that Value Resorts! You can calculate the points and thus the total cost for the length of your stay by using a DVC Point Calculator. There’s a good one at www.wdwinfo.com/resort/dvcpoint.cfm

&nbs
p; Most owners take PayPal as their preferred method of payment, and most will usually tack on a 3% charge to offset the PayPal fees. Although this costs you a little extra, it gives both you and the owner more security; on your end if the deal goes sour you can do a chargeback either through PayPal or through your credit card (always fund your PayPal payments with a credit card, NOT through your bank account!). It also keeps the owner from having to worry about bad checks or phony money orders. The usual deal is that ½ of the payment is required up front, with the other half paid once you receive your reservation papers from DVC with your name on them. Once you’re paid up the DVC owner will be able to book the Dining Plan for you (I advise against it, as I’ll discuss later) and will also be able to enter your flight reservations into the Disney Magical Express system.

  Unfortunately, in this world you always have to be prepared for a scam, and renting points is no different. Since Disney does not officially condone point rentals, they’re not going to be able to do anything for you if you get scammed. While I have only heard of one horror story (which was eventually resolved) and while most DVC owners are honest hard-working people just like you and me, you do still need to be careful and protect yourself. Here are some tips on how to do that:

  Draw up a contract and have both parties sign it. There are many available on Disboards, although most owners have a standard contract they always use. A contract gives peace of mind to both parties, mainly because it puts into writing the expectations of both the owner and renter, so that there is no confusion about details later on, after payment has already been made. Also, in a worst case scenario, a contract should come in handy in small claims court.

  Check references. Anyone renting DVC points should have a list of people they’ve rented to before who are willing to vouch for them. Be sure to contact these references to verify that they were satisfied with their rental transaction. If the owner has never rented before, at the very least make sure they have a decent post count on the board you contacted them on. If they don’t, I’d be wary that they’re a fly-by-night scammer. Stay clear and find another owner.